I have just been reading a post on a forum about 'Taking things slowly', and realised how I really feel now...
For me at the moment, having a lack of intimacy is very hard to deal with. I don't mind taking things slowly, but there are times where I need that contact, and being kept at arms length can be quite difficult. I'm usually used to connecting with people at an emotional level quite early on, but this time around, things seem more intellectual and physical than anything else.
I think that's what's been troubling me really.
I keep prodding my emotional self to see how I feel with being kept at arm's length all the time, and catering to friends and social life without any time to connect, and to be honest, it's cutting me up inside.
I'm such an empathetic person, that working behind this many barriers seems to be damaging me inside more than I can bear at this point.
That's why I keep coming up with a blank, because her emotional barriers are so strong...
Can I hold out until she feels safe enough to let them down?
Or do I take it that because she doesn't feel comfortable enough with me to begin with, and I feel so out of sorts too, that maybe it's just not meant to be...?
Gawd, when did I ever get to be so needy?
4 comments:
Can I offer a kind observation? It isn't about her, really its not. She's a distraction, and her push back is natural and healthy... Your energy is attractive but dangerous for her and anyone right now - you'd swallow her up and in a matter of days, weeks, ?? , you would lose interest methinks.
Back to you: your yearning for intimacy is with yourself! No one else can satisfy it (for long). The blogging is a good step but maybe not entirely prudent - not everyone out there is loving and your heart thoughts have value and shouldn't be squandered on the public table. Get a beautiful journal and a fabulous pen, launder your heart there without an editor being necessary and write it ALL out, ramble incoherently, be unfair, petty, ridiculous. If you can pen it out, you'll start feeling better, more connected to yourself. If you need "company" in it, write imaginary dialogues with your gf, your mom, your ex. I was amazed how much that helped me (and how I knew exactly what they'd say). It's so much easier than trying to reenact them with the actual people participating or surviving the potential real drama of having the conversation(ha ha). With the strength of your angst you may need to run after you journal to really get "it" out. If you try this, I promise you will find true intimacy that doesn't "NEED" or demand performances from others. You'll have peace and other people will be drawn to you. Your problem will then reverse and the effort will be to decide whose energy you allow into your space.
Thank-you. You're absolutely right, and your advice sounds like it would work extremely well for me.
Would you believe I have been eyeing up a journal, and already have the fabulous pen at hand?
Exercising after journaling is a very sensible nugget of advice too - I've been trying to decide between the gym or yoga (unfortunately, health problems restrict how much I can run, if at all).
In all, thank-you. I did actually brave it and have that dramatic conversation, and it actually turned out quite well - we have both opened up more after we discussed both of our issues, and are now approaching things in a healthier way. I no longer feel the urge to overwhelm or push for intimacy, and she has taken 2 steps towards me instead of 10 steps back. I really would like to take things slowly, just to see where I'm going, and not worry about my feelings all the time. Something I somehow feel more able to do after we spoke and chilled out by the beach over the weekend...
It's nice... I know it's not forever, but I also know I'm enjoying myself now, with not so much self-imposed pressure and understandable back-off from her...
Here's hoping eh...?
I'm pleased my comments were welcomed - you might enjoy reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. She has a "Morning Pages" coaching journal that's quite good.
One silly thing I thought I'd share with you. I've found my beautiful brazilian hammock to be the best tranquilizer I know. There's something about climbing into it, being held tight, swaying gently into a fabulous nap that is just so self indulgently fabulous. Almost like a hug...? (smile)
-namaste
Thank-you. Spooky how your comments seem to show up just when I need to read something positive. I will seriously consider a Brazillian hammock, now that I have a lovely garden - I could really do with a hug right now (am having a tearful day - not gf related, just life chucking stuff at me), and the thought of a hammock hug has made me smile for the first time today. Thank-you. :)
I will put 'The Artist's Way' on my Wish List on Amazon too - sounds like an interesting book to buy once payday comes around.
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