Landlord Racism Barely Masked

I went to visit a reasonably nice flat in Coventry today, that was being rented out by the landlord, who was there doing some final repairs with his father.

He buzzed me in, and called down the communal staircase to see if I was able to get in - we exchanged greetings verbally, with me saying "Thanks! I'm on my way up...!".  Then I came around the corner of the stairwell, he saw me, that I was Black... and then his face dropped.  It was just an instant, a couple of seconds, while I watched him mentally struggle with himself to stay polite, and not show his emotions, but it was too late - that mental tick was hard to control.  I felt sorry for him, as he tried to keep up banter, and get his head around the intelligent pleasantries that were coming out of my mouth, and the fact that he really didn't like Black people.  The next 5 minutes were spent with him showing me around the flat, and me being polite and asking the right questions, but I think we both knew by the end of it, that I wouldn't be staying there.

I've had too many experiences of being in a place where people really just can't get over their mental tick of race issues - the boss who I was friends with, but shifted uncomfortably if she was in an environment where there was  more than one Black person, the few towns where I have lived in Hertfordshire and Cheshire, where people looked at me with disgust, and that question in their eyes "What are *you* doing here?!?.... Didn't I move up here to get away from your lot...?!?".  My 3 years at Oxford, where I felt daily challenged to justify being there, where porters would refuse to look me in the eye, waiters who would refuse to serve me and leave me waiting for inordinate periods of time in restaurants, shop keepers who would refuse to touch my hand when I paid for goods - instead slamming down the change on the counter... and many more.

All these little pockets of negative treatment, where it felt like people were marking their territory to make sure I felt unwelcome.  These came flooding back to me.  And as lovely as that flat was today, I was not going to even try to take it with that underlying feeling of "I don't like your kind..." in the air.  I hope he finds his ideal tenant, but I won't be the one.  I'm fine with that.  I will continue to make my own path in the world, and find something that resonates with me.