Passion...in motion

There are times
When you look at me
With your eyes hooded
Lips parted and
Body arched towards me

That deep inside
something flickers
gently at first and then
with added speed
into a full throated flame

Our bodies pull towards each other
Energies magnetically pulsing
Your breath hitching in a gasp
My solar plexus surging in response
To your strident urgent call

Lips touch, torsos meet
A pulsing wave eddies back and forth between us
Where the barest kiss, the slightest caress ignites
Electricity sparks along each vein, each nerve, each heartbeat,
Slowing time down to a nano-second

Your moans urge me on, your body shuddering with each wave
My solar plexus throbbing with each pull
Each surge, each thrust
As we dance to the sound of our song
A rich deep music that only our bodies seem to hear

And I feel the sweet deep ecstasy of
Energy flowing and mixing and dancing
An eternal stream of desire that we have
Learned to stroke and touch and shape to our call
Passion...in motion

An age old magical rhythm
That I want to dance with you
Again
And again
And again

Us

Unravel Me
Softly
Slowly.
Completely.

Unwrap the layers around my heart
Read the lines etched into my soul
Hold me
Gently
Love me
Closely
Fuck me
Slowly
Lick me
Deeply

That is what you do to me
From Slow
To Soft
From Gentle
To Firm
From Fast to Hard

My heart
Once broken into shards
Picked up slowly
And held in both hands
Listened to
Carefully
And Caressed
Completely

That is what you do to me.

Your passion is like a maelstrom
A storm that mixes with my energy and
whisks us both into a flame

One look
Eyes hooded
Lips soft, kissed red
Hair sexily fallen around your
delicate face
your aura pulsing
pulling me towards you

My rock star
strong
sultry
sexy
so
so
so
beautiful
my heart skips a beat

Your hand on my shoulder
sends energy crackling down my spine
my heart contracts
Our eyes connect
Fingers touch
Souls meet

I know not what I have done
to deserve such beauty
such connection
such joy as my eyes
my heart
my soul
caress
you

but know that what
we feel
what
we have
I will hold
and cherish
and love
no matter where
or how our paths should travel

My eyes are open
My soul awake
It sees and knows
In peace
In love

Whatever may be
In the past
In the present
In the future
What ever, how ever will be
I Love you.

Flirting straight girls

I don't know what it is about the past few days, but straight girls seem to be flirting with me, and my Inner Slut is having a ball.

Apart from the cute blonde I chatted to on Wednesday night in the queue at M&S, and the very cute L, who confessed she had a dream about kissing a woman ages ago (I'm not out at work yet), and who makes lingering eye contact with flirtatious conversations every once in a while - my most eyebrow raising moment this week, was with P, a lady who very unfairly looks like Alice from the L Word, and who I may have a teeny crush on from time to time.

She came into an office I've been working in today, and blurted out "...well I'm sure you don't want me...erm, not *physically* of course...!", and then after seeing her blush sweetly, I smiled and said, "Oh no, I understand what you were trying to say, don't worry." All the time, thinking, "Come on S - keep a serious face, seriously!". Whereas my Inner Slut was saying "Well, if you really want to know...(smirk)".

Inner Slut was also replaying this in my mind, and P being an Alice-lookalike didn't help...

Laughs, shaking head.

Lord save me, how I survive amongst all these gorgeous straight women, I really don't know.

I seriously need a cute gay girlfriend to distract me.

Sigh.

Masks...

A quote that really hit home to me how much I had lived most recently, until being brave enough to leave:

"All of us wear masks... They can be worn out of love and the desire to remain close to those around us; to spare them from the complicated reality of our frayed psyches.

We trade honesty for companionship, and in the process never truly know the hearts closest to us."

I feel a little better now, knowing that that particular 10 year period is over...

...I still wear a mask of sorts, but only a very flimsy one - I feel so much more psychologically healthy now that I can be myself 95% of the time.

Here's to one day when we can be honest to both ourselves and those close to us, and not put distance between us in the misguided view we are protecting instead of being true and real...

Short story? Hmmm...

I've been contemplating writing a short story... something along the lines of a lesbian romance, or mild erotica... I'm not sure yet.

I'm a dreadful budding writer. I tend to self-critique to the point where I become afraid to write anything because I worry so much over how it will come across, what I have left out, how stupid it sounds, how amateurish, how...

See what I mean?

Endless.

Anyway, I am going to support a dear friend at a poetry jam tonight. The brave soul is standing up in front of a crowd and speaking poetry from the heart. And I thought, I've been asked so often at these things, if I am a writer, a poet, or indeed a photographer, that I must obviously have this aura of 'hesitant artiste' of some type hanging around me (or maybe it's my scruffy cord trousers, battered velvet jacket, glasses and sensible shoes that give me away...). Just last Sunday, while we were bowling with a group of fellow lesbians, my friend said to me she was wondering why I didn't just get on with it - I talk like a book most of the time, and seem to have some interesting insights (shrugs shoulders).

So why not? Why not throw caution to the wind, and just write for the hell of it?

It's bloomin' scary, that's why - like baring one's arterial veins to a vampire and asking him *not* to rip you to shreds....

So.. here goes...the first part of some very dodgy prose...(this is, by the way, a slight variation on my real experiences of last Saturday - inspired by the 'almost true lesbian encounters' anthology I read the other month. Let's just say, my imagination/muse has been re-writing what would have been rather a nice way to spend a Saturday evening. Grin):

"I thought about going to the film night with my friend. It was a film I’d seen many times before, an old romantic lesbian favourite that never failed to turn my heart to mush, and put a wistful, indulgent smile on my face. If I was honest with myself, I was really going to see if I could find her.

Her, is the woman I haven't met yet, the as yet unknown other, of whom I have caught glimpses of out of the corner of my eye on the train, in the park, in the hallways, in the street. A shapely leg revealed by a flowing skirt as a lady steps out of a taxi, the scent of freshly washed long hair as I pass among the crowds of commuters in the morning, the warmth of female laughter floating by on the evening breeze as I stroll along the riverbank...

All these small moments that seem to encapsulate the beauty of a woman - her body, her scent, her wit, her laughter - the woman that is slowly drawn on the canvas of my mind as I go about my everyday things, like a sketch on soft paper, taking shape and form, line by line, as my heart yearns for a lover, mindful of the fragility of lofty ideals, but hopeful that one day, I will recognise her essence, know her for her being - that we may one day recognise each other and smile, slowly, as we acknowledge the end of a search, and the beginning of an interesting, scary, and wonderfully imperfect human adventure.

Such dreams... I was sure I was far too romantic for my own good.

'Heart for Sale, On Special Offer. Easily Broken, But Susceptible to Soppy Novels, Daydreams, Wispy Clouds and Chocolate'.

What was I like eh?

So, come Saturday afternoon, I hit the shower, put on my soft butch boyish-shorts under my navy blue cords, picked a cheeky lacy black bra, covered up by my dark button-down shirt, and set-off with a Tibetan pendant bought on the dusky streets of Seattle, and, my dreams in my heart, and my gloves in hand, set out for the evening."

---

Hmmm...

That *was* scary.

I don't know...
I may update this post from time to time, by adding more to the story (will put ‘---’ lines between each update…)

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Maybe.

Confidence: Must Do Better.

I went out to a lesbian film night this evening. There was a private viewing of one of my favourite movies(as you can see from the background image on this blog) 'Imagine Me & You'. I met up with a friend, and we went along together for moral support really, as neither of us do large groups of people very well.

Anyway, I spotted a few nice women looking over at me over the evening - though being completely rubbish, I couldn't tell if it was because I was one of the few dark faces there, or if they were with someone and just giving me a curious glance. But then, towards the end of the evening, a rather gorgeous, but very intense woman sat across the room from me, and as I spoke to a few friends at a table by the window, she would glance across to me from time to time while she was on her cell phone to someone. At first I wasn't sure if it was just our eyes catching as she rather intensely spoke to someone on the phone, but it slowly dawned on me (I am annoyingly slow in these situations), that maybe she liked me. Then my friend and I glanced at our watches, and realised that we would miss the last train home if we stayed any longer, and we left soon after, with me passing by this lovely lady on our way out, and her glancing up at me expectantly - but damn it, I was too shy to say anything - put off somewhat by her intensity and agressively gesturing phone conversation. She reminded me of a really negative woman I met last year, and I wondered, as cute as she was, if I would be getting into something a bit too complicated for my already stressed self at this point in time...

I'm an idiot, I know - I mean, how will I ever get to be with someone else if I never talk to someone? Moron. Silly, shy moron is me.

I'm hoping this isn't the one and only time I get such a chance - I really don't intend to blow it quite so successfully next time.

A Chorus of Millions

This man is really something unique, inspiring and special. I love this speech...

He has a unique way of saying the most complicated and heart-touching and thought-provoking things so simply, emphatically and beautifully. He makes you feel as if he is talking to you alone, urging you to think, to pull out the best of yourself, to silence those self-doubts, to unite, to feel the strength and goodness in collective unity and action, to feel the power of hope and ultimately, positive change.

"We are the ones we've been waiting for!".... so simple, but so powerful, and so very true - he will not save us, we, united together can make the change we seek, that this world so needs. An iconic phrase that I am sure will be quoted in many, many years to come. A speech worthy of a true leader, a true president who believes in the power of the people he can guide to true, positve change. This speech gave me goose-bumps.

I know if I was American, I'd be going to every rally, and every event, and voting for him with all that I am, and for the hope of all future generations on that very important day.

Obama is something the world needs - lets hope it sees sense and doesn't mindlessly throw this wonderful, powerful opportunity away.

Yes We Can.

Yes We Can Obama Song by will.i.am

My goodness, this song by will.i.am had me in tears. So powerful, so true, so full of vibrant, positive hope.

Also so refreshing that the stars that I have naturally gravitated to over the years are the same ones that are supporting this crucial change, this crucial fight, this truly inspirational man.

Makes me proud to be human.

Here's to following this through to the future that shines so brightly.

Hope.

Vote.

Random freaky moments...

I've been having these moments more and more of late. Weird coincidences, where I think about something, and then it happens almost immediately, or someone makes a comment about something I've been thinking about when I haven't uttered a word, in a weird, serendipity way...

Me, psychic?

Meh.

But...

The other day, I was thinking of my friend, who has a very distinctive name, not common at all - I was visualising meeting him the previous week, 10 years after we had last seen each other at Uni, and marvelling about how we just seemed to slot into the old ways of chatting and joking with each other, as if that decade gap in between never happened. And then I started thinking about how to spell his name... I was crossing the road at the time, and randomly looked up to my left, only to see his surname spelt in exactly the right way, but as the sign of a cafe snuggled in between two old theatre buildings...! I'd never seen it before, so wasn't expecting it at all. It was almost like the universe was listening in on my thoughts, and gave me a friendly nudge and a smile. Of all the times and places...and all that... completely odd, but cool coincidence.

And then a few months ago, I was sitting on a bench reading a book, and a specific passage in it, where the characters are bitching about a woman that they don't like, and mimicking the way that she speaks. As I finish that particular sentence, a completely random woman walks by behind my bench, chatting away on her mobile phone, and repeats the mimicking sentence I have just that second read, word for word! Now she was obviously mimicking someone that she didn't like on the phone, but to say the same words?!? How freaky is that?!?

And then just now, I had a really weird, random coincidence... Out of the blue, as I was walking up to the women's toilets before going out to lunch, I started thinking about an L Word episode (season 3) that I had seen months and months ago - specifically, where Moira/Max is on a road-trip with Jenny, and still a woman at the time, s/he gets out of the car to pee, and pees standing up. Jenny is curious, and asks her how s/he can do that? And Moira/Max shrugs, and says that s/he's always done it that way, since s/he was a little girl - it just felt natural to her. So I'm thinking about this as I enter the loos, and wondering if one day, when drunk enough and among friends on a camping trip, or something, how cool it would be to see if I could pee standing up - it would be funny and kinda interesting (angles and hip positioning and all that). So, still laughing to myself at just how drunk I'd be and how surreal it would feel, I come out of the cubicles to wash my hands, and right by the mirror (wasn't there yesterday) - is a printed out joke that someone has stuck to the wall. On it is a cartoon of a lady in a business suit, her back to these two guys, and she is obviously peeing standing up! The guys are saying "Wow!", and the tagline is "You don't have to be a man to work here, but it does help if you can pee standing up.". !!! I swear that little piece paper wasn't on the wall before, and of all the random things to think about at that time, and to see that bit of paper there...

I could go on, but...

::Shakes head::

Maybe I should play the lottery again, eh?

Hmmm...

Thinking in stanzas

I've started thinking in stanzas lately.

There are some mornings when I arrive at the station, breathless, blood-pumping through my veins after my 12 minute power-walk up hill, then I stop for a moment, surrounded by a crowd of commuters, and look up at the sky.

And wonder.

Wonder why it doesn't seem so awesome anymore. Not like it did when I was little and wide-eyed and full of wonder at what could be up there and beyond...

My perspective is so different now, a jaded worry about the lack of ozone we have to protect us compared to decades gone by, worry about global warming, my imagination already stroked by the likes of Star Trek Voyager, Babylon 5, StarGate SG1 and other sci-fi shows that have explored space and imagined what could be out there.

I dunno...that sense of awe is now masked with something else... like my mind is masked with a "Been there, imagined that, worried about this... nah, the sky's not so awesome anymore... more of a a lid on all the other stuff we're screwing up down here...".

Geez, when did I ever get so jaded? Worrying, but interesting...

And then my mind flies elsewhere, and I wonder if I can get these thoughts into stanza form, could I perform this, out there on the stage, at the poetry cafe, at a poetry slam? Could I? Could I brazenly stand up and do a piece about the love of a woman, the love of her touch, her scent, her essence, her being. Just her?

Could I?

I guess I could only but try...

Alice & Tasha Part II

And here they are again...Sigh

Alice & Tasha

I really love this couple. Alice is extremely hot (both her mind and her body), and I could so totally be Tasha in terms of my style, my ethnicity, and attention to detail (as well as choice of boxer shorts), it's scary (though I'm a little more communicative, and a little less abrupt - think of me as a softer version, but with the same kind of silent, still aura).

Anyway, although I know they're going to have a testing time this season, I thought it was nice the producers gave us such a fabulous opening in the first episode...

Here is a selection of video clips I put together to show the beginning of this season's story arch:

Alice & Tasha (L Word)
Uploaded by unravelmesoftly