...!

I'm such an annoying shit.

A rather lovely woman in my meditation class asked me out for a drink at a local gay bar last night, and I panicked and declined, making a swift exit.

Of course, minutes later I wish that I'd accepted, despite me feeling exhausted, and having difficulty understanding her very strong accent - I think we might have had fun.

Shakes head.

Damn, I'm such an idiot sometimes.

Meanwhile, I'm hanging on a thread again, waiting for a response from that rather irritating woman I mentioned I met at an exhibition club some months ago, who, as it happens, has asked me to go to an arts fair in Battersea this Saturday. But, after I replied with an affirmative over a week ago - I have heard nothing from her since.

Now, I'm not clingy by nature, but I do like a bit of communication, or even some friendly banter. Yet consistently now, she has made me feel like a discarded shoe, or over anxious woman who is just being dangled and swatted at by a curious but disinterested and prowling cat.

And this is coming from someone who loves cats.

It's almost like she really can't be bothered to pass the time of day with me, but is forcing herself to, to be polite. If you ask me out to something - either you want to go, and can be bothered to be at least civil. Or not.

I really could do without this shit.

My Canadian friend is so much nicer, and I don't even speak to her that often - she makes me feel like she enjoys my company, however briefly, which, I guess is what being friends is all about really.

It's infuriating, but I'm going to hang in there and just not email until Saturday morning, and only then send an email asking if she's still up for this thing, or if she can't be bothered any more. I really hate people who jerk me around - either you want to be friends or not. For gawd's sake don't leave me hanging. Have some common courtesy, even if it is just to say hello.

Actually, I am tempted to just go along anyway, even if I don't get a response. Why put myself through hell for someone who clearly is not interested and seems to thrive on playing games/is an incredibly lazy communicator.

I'll be going out on Saturday night with my Canadian buddy (purely platonic as for some insane reason, I just don't fancy her - as gorgeous as she is) - so you never know, I might meet someone so much better for me...

Deep breath.

Eyes chocolate.

Thinks about having apple instead...

Back to work....