Short story? Hmmm...

I've been contemplating writing a short story... something along the lines of a lesbian romance, or mild erotica... I'm not sure yet.

I'm a dreadful budding writer. I tend to self-critique to the point where I become afraid to write anything because I worry so much over how it will come across, what I have left out, how stupid it sounds, how amateurish, how...

See what I mean?

Endless.

Anyway, I am going to support a dear friend at a poetry jam tonight. The brave soul is standing up in front of a crowd and speaking poetry from the heart. And I thought, I've been asked so often at these things, if I am a writer, a poet, or indeed a photographer, that I must obviously have this aura of 'hesitant artiste' of some type hanging around me (or maybe it's my scruffy cord trousers, battered velvet jacket, glasses and sensible shoes that give me away...). Just last Sunday, while we were bowling with a group of fellow lesbians, my friend said to me she was wondering why I didn't just get on with it - I talk like a book most of the time, and seem to have some interesting insights (shrugs shoulders).

So why not? Why not throw caution to the wind, and just write for the hell of it?

It's bloomin' scary, that's why - like baring one's arterial veins to a vampire and asking him *not* to rip you to shreds....

So.. here goes...the first part of some very dodgy prose...(this is, by the way, a slight variation on my real experiences of last Saturday - inspired by the 'almost true lesbian encounters' anthology I read the other month. Let's just say, my imagination/muse has been re-writing what would have been rather a nice way to spend a Saturday evening. Grin):

"I thought about going to the film night with my friend. It was a film I’d seen many times before, an old romantic lesbian favourite that never failed to turn my heart to mush, and put a wistful, indulgent smile on my face. If I was honest with myself, I was really going to see if I could find her.

Her, is the woman I haven't met yet, the as yet unknown other, of whom I have caught glimpses of out of the corner of my eye on the train, in the park, in the hallways, in the street. A shapely leg revealed by a flowing skirt as a lady steps out of a taxi, the scent of freshly washed long hair as I pass among the crowds of commuters in the morning, the warmth of female laughter floating by on the evening breeze as I stroll along the riverbank...

All these small moments that seem to encapsulate the beauty of a woman - her body, her scent, her wit, her laughter - the woman that is slowly drawn on the canvas of my mind as I go about my everyday things, like a sketch on soft paper, taking shape and form, line by line, as my heart yearns for a lover, mindful of the fragility of lofty ideals, but hopeful that one day, I will recognise her essence, know her for her being - that we may one day recognise each other and smile, slowly, as we acknowledge the end of a search, and the beginning of an interesting, scary, and wonderfully imperfect human adventure.

Such dreams... I was sure I was far too romantic for my own good.

'Heart for Sale, On Special Offer. Easily Broken, But Susceptible to Soppy Novels, Daydreams, Wispy Clouds and Chocolate'.

What was I like eh?

So, come Saturday afternoon, I hit the shower, put on my soft butch boyish-shorts under my navy blue cords, picked a cheeky lacy black bra, covered up by my dark button-down shirt, and set-off with a Tibetan pendant bought on the dusky streets of Seattle, and, my dreams in my heart, and my gloves in hand, set out for the evening."

---

Hmmm...

That *was* scary.

I don't know...
I may update this post from time to time, by adding more to the story (will put ‘---’ lines between each update…)

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Maybe.

Confidence: Must Do Better.

I went out to a lesbian film night this evening. There was a private viewing of one of my favourite movies(as you can see from the background image on this blog) 'Imagine Me & You'. I met up with a friend, and we went along together for moral support really, as neither of us do large groups of people very well.

Anyway, I spotted a few nice women looking over at me over the evening - though being completely rubbish, I couldn't tell if it was because I was one of the few dark faces there, or if they were with someone and just giving me a curious glance. But then, towards the end of the evening, a rather gorgeous, but very intense woman sat across the room from me, and as I spoke to a few friends at a table by the window, she would glance across to me from time to time while she was on her cell phone to someone. At first I wasn't sure if it was just our eyes catching as she rather intensely spoke to someone on the phone, but it slowly dawned on me (I am annoyingly slow in these situations), that maybe she liked me. Then my friend and I glanced at our watches, and realised that we would miss the last train home if we stayed any longer, and we left soon after, with me passing by this lovely lady on our way out, and her glancing up at me expectantly - but damn it, I was too shy to say anything - put off somewhat by her intensity and agressively gesturing phone conversation. She reminded me of a really negative woman I met last year, and I wondered, as cute as she was, if I would be getting into something a bit too complicated for my already stressed self at this point in time...

I'm an idiot, I know - I mean, how will I ever get to be with someone else if I never talk to someone? Moron. Silly, shy moron is me.

I'm hoping this isn't the one and only time I get such a chance - I really don't intend to blow it quite so successfully next time.

A Chorus of Millions

This man is really something unique, inspiring and special. I love this speech...

He has a unique way of saying the most complicated and heart-touching and thought-provoking things so simply, emphatically and beautifully. He makes you feel as if he is talking to you alone, urging you to think, to pull out the best of yourself, to silence those self-doubts, to unite, to feel the strength and goodness in collective unity and action, to feel the power of hope and ultimately, positive change.

"We are the ones we've been waiting for!".... so simple, but so powerful, and so very true - he will not save us, we, united together can make the change we seek, that this world so needs. An iconic phrase that I am sure will be quoted in many, many years to come. A speech worthy of a true leader, a true president who believes in the power of the people he can guide to true, positve change. This speech gave me goose-bumps.

I know if I was American, I'd be going to every rally, and every event, and voting for him with all that I am, and for the hope of all future generations on that very important day.

Obama is something the world needs - lets hope it sees sense and doesn't mindlessly throw this wonderful, powerful opportunity away.

Yes We Can.

Yes We Can Obama Song by will.i.am

My goodness, this song by will.i.am had me in tears. So powerful, so true, so full of vibrant, positive hope.

Also so refreshing that the stars that I have naturally gravitated to over the years are the same ones that are supporting this crucial change, this crucial fight, this truly inspirational man.

Makes me proud to be human.

Here's to following this through to the future that shines so brightly.

Hope.

Vote.