I've been bad...

...I've been very, very bad...

I got my season ticket loan for buying my travel card in my pay packet yesterday, and after first trying to buy the ticket online, and the website refusing to let me complete the transaction, I was very tempted to spend half of the money on a birthday trip to Seattle instead...

I thought about it all day, thought about how restless I've been of late, of how I could earn back the money by selling stuff and doing other things in the meanwhile... How I'd promised myself that I'd go this year, and how disappointed I'd be with me if I just slacked off and didn't make the effort to... How a *very* weird set of coincidences has seemed to be pointing me in the direction of Seattle for the past 6 months...

By the time it got to 9.30pm last night, I'd wound myself in guilty knots, and then thought "**m if you don't do it before 10pm, you're never going to do it...! The only person stopping you is you... go for it! You need to do this.".

So I did - in a scarily short amount of time, I put together a cheap BA flight and cheap accommodation, and booked it all...

I can't believe it.

I'm actually going.

I feel incredibly guilty for using half of the loan money - but know I can make it up if I live like a nun for the next month and a bit - which really isn't that hard if I focus my energies on not going out and eating bland but nourishing food, as well as a few money-making schemes I've had in mind to start anyway.

I'm scared, but excited. Somethings been pushing me to go to Seattle for some years now. I'm not sure what, but I look forward to finding out...