Where have I been...?!?

Thanks US for your comment, and for asking for where all of my more regular snippets have gone. I really wish I could write my blog via ESP - it would be so much easier!

Part of the reason I have not updated in such a long while, is that I have been madly busy with work etc., and then, of course, my guilty, but indulgently fabulous trip to Seattle (of which I will say more over the next few days).

There is also the vanity factor - the ultimate blogger dilemma, where one wonders if after having so few comments on the blog in general, if one's writing really is too boring for people to read, and if one should just give up writing for a while until that burning need to spill things down in written form rises up again.

Sigh. I know. Pure vanity - but one really does need one's ego stroked every once in a while - so thank-you US for doing just that. I actually do have quite a lot to share that has been going on in the world around me, and to me, so will try and post a bit more this holiday season.

P.S...I have now re-published some of my older writing in the archives for 2007 - taken down in a fit of peak, when I was paranoid about being found by one of my real-life friends. At the moment though, I don't think that's gonna happen - so my dirty laundry is now aired once more...

In the meanwhile, here is one of my fave Youtube moments:

L Word Questions & Answers

I've been bad...

...I've been very, very bad...

I got my season ticket loan for buying my travel card in my pay packet yesterday, and after first trying to buy the ticket online, and the website refusing to let me complete the transaction, I was very tempted to spend half of the money on a birthday trip to Seattle instead...

I thought about it all day, thought about how restless I've been of late, of how I could earn back the money by selling stuff and doing other things in the meanwhile... How I'd promised myself that I'd go this year, and how disappointed I'd be with me if I just slacked off and didn't make the effort to... How a *very* weird set of coincidences has seemed to be pointing me in the direction of Seattle for the past 6 months...

By the time it got to 9.30pm last night, I'd wound myself in guilty knots, and then thought "**m if you don't do it before 10pm, you're never going to do it...! The only person stopping you is you... go for it! You need to do this.".

So I did - in a scarily short amount of time, I put together a cheap BA flight and cheap accommodation, and booked it all...

I can't believe it.

I'm actually going.

I feel incredibly guilty for using half of the loan money - but know I can make it up if I live like a nun for the next month and a bit - which really isn't that hard if I focus my energies on not going out and eating bland but nourishing food, as well as a few money-making schemes I've had in mind to start anyway.

I'm scared, but excited. Somethings been pushing me to go to Seattle for some years now. I'm not sure what, but I look forward to finding out...

First Lesbian memory?

I was pondering the other day how so many people differ when it comes to their first childhood memories. Some people can't remember anything before 6 years old, and the odd strange person (like myself) can remember sitting up in their cot and plotting an escape route (to the absolute fright of my poor mother when I magically appeared downstairs a few mins later when she had no idea I could walk at the time).

Anyway, I digress, upon wondering about the above (you can see how my brain is full of useless junk) I was thinking back the other day, to when I had my very first 'Lesbian' thought.

For me it was actually my very first sexual thought/dream, so to speak, and I only remember it as it about knocked me sideways: One day when I was 13, I was innocently doing the whole going to school, going home and doing my homework thing as I'd always done, and then bam(!) that night I had this incredibly hot dream that my very cute school librarian (female) and I were snogging each other's faces off. While rather a nice dream, I had never even thought about anything sexual before that moment - certainly gave me pause for thought I can tell you!

It all seems so obvious now...

Inuitive Right Brain

While pretending to work (waisting time), I came across a wonderful collection of links that caused a bit of an epiphany with me today, in terms of why over this last year, I have become more intuitive, spiritual, and weirdly, am using my left hand more, and thus the right-side of my brain...

Before I leave work, I really must put these links somewhere, so I can explore when I'm next at home on my laptop... and for anyone else of course....

Intuitive thinking for artists - how to do it (though I must say, this is how I've basically always thought, so refreshing to find this...)

Right-Left Brain test

I don't have ADD, but the section on all the elements of Right-brain use intrigued me...

Left Brain - Right Brain

Facebook for cats

Must be done... Catbook

Dante break-up (...9 levels of hell)

It has happened.

After getting back from a really lovely time in New York, and meeting the girlfriend for a 4 day trip in Ireland - we broke up on the 1st day, and then ensued a 4-day break-up in extreme slow motion from hell. It's bad enough breaking up with someone, but to then have to see them afterwards and be on holiday with them is tantamount to watching a painful, bad, and extremely hellish car crash in excruciating slow-motion.

I finally got to walk away at 1.30am this morning, and am slowly re-adjusting a sense of self.

I'd say more, but too painful right now.

Am liking not being on edge all the time, and worrying about various things I have not blogged here re. personality clashes etc., so in all, it is for the best.

Now to move on and live life again...

New York and all that lone traveller feeling and experience was fabulous though... will have to post a link to some photos soon...